Sodde's Law of Anaesthesia 

If God did not exist it would be necessary for surgeons to think they were somebody else.

	The EMLA cream always ends where the veins begin.
	The endotracheal tube makes its own way into the oesophagus the nasogastric tube never does.
	The chance of getting the needle in the vein first time is inversely proportional to the importance of the patient.
	When you’ve got a lot of pre-meds to go, there is always an outbreak of verbal diarrhoea on the ward
	There are many thousands of experts in anaesthesia, and some of them are anesthetists.
	Anaphylactic reactions only occur when you’ve lost venous access.
	The pressure exerted by a sucker s inversely proportional to the volume of vomit
	The patient can hold his breath longer than you can.
	The poles always slide down the canvas more easily from the end you’re not standing at.
	If the lady is wearing make-up. He’s had a sex-change operation.
	Whichever side you put the central line in, you’ll wish you had chosen the other one.
	The laryngoscope light stays on until the blade is down the patient’s throat.
	Sharps boxes leave the factory 98% full.
	The anaesthetist slaps the back of the hand because it’s The only chance he’s got of getting his revenge on the patient.
	Although little people can get into big theatre shirts, and big people can’t get into little theatre shirts, there are always twice as many little shirts as big shirts in the changing room.
	Demonstrating a simple technique to someone else automatically makes it impossible.
	The surgical abbreviation ‘FFA’ (fit for anaesthetic) is equivalent to the anaesthetic, abbreviation ‘NOD’ (not quite dead).
	The angle between the patient and his bed is directly proportional to his degree of nervousness.
	Even though there wasn’t enough blood to flash back when you put the cannula in, there’ll by a dirty great haematoma when you take it out.
	You are ten times more likely to drop the ampoule if it is the last one in the box.
	Bravery in the face of the anaesthetist’s needle is inversely proportional to familiarity with the tatooist’s needle.
	The urgency of a private operation is directly proportional to he resultant fee.
	You always stick the needle in your hand after it’s been in the patient.
	The more attractive the accompanying nurse, the longer induction takes.
	Cardiopulmonary resuscitation is a technique for transferring myocardial ischaemia from the patient to the anaesthetist.

Sodde's Law in General

	Hofstadter's Law: "It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account."
	Morton's Law: "If rats are experimented upon, they will develop cancer."
	Epstein's Axiom: "With extremely few exceptions, nothing is worth the trouble."
	Mathis' Rule: "It is bad luck to be superstitious."
	Laura's Law: "No child throws up in the bathroom."
	"If there is a opinion, facts will be found to support it." -- Judy Sproles.
	"Rich folks get more strokes."  -- Greg Beil.
	"If A = B and B = C, then A = C except where void or prohibited by law". -- Roy Santoro.
	Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: "It's on the other side." -- Doug Preudhomme
	"Anything that happens enough times to irritate you will happen at least once more."  -- Tom Parkins
	Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.  -- Ely Slick
	quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.  -- Ely Slick
	There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects." -- Ely Slick
	(Sam) Goldwyn's Law: "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's    printed on."
	(Murray) Gell-Mann's Law: "Whatever isn't forbidden is required; thus, if there's no reason why something shouldn't exist, then it must exist."
	Lane Hurewitz's Memory Principle: "The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to....to....."
	Corry's Law: "Paper is always strongest at the perforations." -- Carolyn M. Corry

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