Funny Things That Surgeons Just Don't Say
Things Surgeons never say to theatre staff
Please.
Thank
you.
Sorry.
My
colleague is much better at doing this operation than I am, so I always
refer my private patients to him.
The
light in here is absolutely wonderful.
My
fault entirely Sister. How could you possibly guess which instrument I’d
want next?
Frankly,
I’m an idiot for ever starting this operation. My skill levels just
can’t keep up with new developments.
I
apologise. That was a cheep, offensive remark, made to someone in no
position to make an appropriate response.
I absolutely refuse to blame my registrar for this cock-up.
I should have retired years ago.
Things Surgeons never say to junior surgical staff
Of
course you can’t find the X-rays. I had them last.
I’ll
still give you a good reference, even if you don’t pretend to find
everything I do fascinating.
I’m
about to tell you my favourite “funny story” again. You’ve heard it
six times, so please don’t feel obliged to laugh
Of course, in my younger days. we had things a lot easier.
Things Surgeons never say to Anaesthetists.
Sorry
I'm early.
I’d
be delighted to help you lift this patient.
Oh
dear! I’ve grossly overestimated my own capabilities again.
I
absolutely insist that we break for lunch.
I’m
afraid I ridiculously underestimated how long I’d take to do this
operation.
My
defence body is thinking of offering me a season ticket
No,
no. I absolutely insist on going to the coroners court with you. After all,
it was me who insisted on doing the operation.
Things Surgeons never say to patients
I don’t care if you are a private patient, you’re a boring old fart; now get out of my consulting rooms.
You don’t actually need an operation my dear, but, seeing as you’re a private patient, I’ll be happy to take your money off you.
Please stop calling me “The Man with the Golden Hands”. It was a team effort.
from
Hospital Doctor
